Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
