it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
