JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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