There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
