apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
