I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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