To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
