Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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