Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
