New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
