college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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