dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
