I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
