I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's like iHOP with fire
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
