a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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