my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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