Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize