I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
