David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
