Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
