My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
