Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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