i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
