Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
