She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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