That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Moan for me like Helen Keller
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
