I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
