Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
