i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
