We're like a lot better than the average bears
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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