he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
