You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize