that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
