There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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