I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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