I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
