it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
