Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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