I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize