I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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