Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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