Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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