grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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