what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
