What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
