Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
