i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
