Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
