Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
