Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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