Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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