i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize