Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
