Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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