She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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