Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
