i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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