I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
