Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize