So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
