Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
