you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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