So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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