He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it's like iHOP with fire
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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