now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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