i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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