a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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