Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
