She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
