In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
