cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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