I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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