Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
