I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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