You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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