how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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