How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
